Side Chicks and "Boo's" on the Low

A little hiatus but hey I'm back - let's get to it...

A few weeks ago a good friend of mine C. Thomas posted a status on Facebook entitled "Side Chick Commandments" so I have to re post them now for your reading pleasure

Side Chick Commandments
Thou shalt not put any other partners before me
Thou shalt not keep any images or video footage of us together—ever
Thou shalt not use the L-word in vain
Remember the special days and stay in your place
Thou shalt not meet my father and mother
Thou shalt not kill
Thou shalt not stalk
Thou shalt not steal
Thou shalt not lie on me or to me
Thou shalt not covet the main squeeze or what he/she has
 -Lord knows the side chick never follows them.... #triedtotellher

After reading this post on her Facebook status my first reaction was WOW and dizzzaaaammm!!! First off it speaks volumes that these "commandments" even exist but that's another story! Then I pondered on what the rules would be like if the tables were turned. You know for THAT dude, your "boo on the low", boyfriend #2 or secret lover if you will. I mean let's be real many of us have found ourselves in situations such as this some without being aware - totally blindsided and others willingly. I can't judge either party because I am no where near perfect. My questions are quite simple - how does this type of secret affair begin? What are the rules? Do they ever end? I asked around and entering into such a relationship appears to be a mutual decision between the two parties. A male friend of mine said that the downfall is that someone usually starts to catch feelings after some time and depending on how the vibe is between the two parties this could be a great thing or a deal breaker. I've heard of secret romances lasting for months some even years. I've heard of them progressing from a little secret to outward dating and a few have even made it to marriage. How do they progress? It's rather simple - you already "like" the individual, the sexual chemistry is there and you know that you can trust them with a BIG secret. You spend time with them, your in their home, you learn about their likes/dislikes, quirks, mood changes, hygiene habits, jobs, passions, the way their brain thinks etc. Whether your for or against these types of "hook ups" the important thing to keep in mind is to always play safely - wrap it up folks and enjoy yourself should you indulge! I've placed the "Boo on the Low guidelines" below - let me know your thoughts/comments and add any additional guidelines. Shouts out to all the boo lovers out there! Muah!

Boo on the Low Guidelines
1. You are in the temporary "boyfriend" role until your duties have been relinquished, we progress into something more or one of us starts dating someone else. **Handyman duties, car problems, dinner, moves, etc. are permitted in limited amounts.**
2. Any pictures of us should be friendly photos - not too close buddy!
3. Know your role and fulfill the duties of your role as needed - this increases your longevity
4.  Never forget your boo on significant holidays i.e., Valentine's Day, Birthdays, Christmas - be considerate.
5. We don't talk on the phone that often so if I call you it's for a reason - answer or call me back ASAP
6. Support your boo and their endeavors even from the sidelines - especially if they are good to you *wink*
7. My friends are not your friends unless they were known previously-don't blur the lines or cross boundaries
8. ALWAYS keep it 100% with me - never lie or stretch the truth. This thing is built on trust remember!
9. Communication is key so say what's on your mind over communicating is UN-sexy!
10. Emotions can't always be controlled so if you begin to feel some kind of way make it known ASAP - we can make a joint decision on what's best for both of us...who knows it may turn into something beautiful! Ha!

Oh Charlie!

Let's get to it...

The dust has finally settled (a little)...by now you have witnessed, watched, observed or at least heard about the interviews from Charlie Sheen! I have took off my social worker/therapist/psychology hat and truly digested the words from Mr. Sheen! You have to give the man some credit he's being castrated for his decision making and um he's a grown azz man remember. If he wants to bungee jump out of an airplane, swim in the ocean with sharks or smoke a joint by all means he has the right to do so. His life and day to day moves are put on display for the world to see and every moment of it he is being judged by someone that likely has their own problems that they should be focusing on. Instead it's so much easier to make anothers problems look worse than ours because hey it makes us feel better about all the shenanigans we have going on in our own world. I have to say it...he is THAT dude and I love it! Ha! So in my semi-support for Charlie I have listed my favorite Charlie quotes...and remember what Charlie says - he's "on one drug and it's called Charlie Sheen"...enjoy!
***Oh yeah - don't judge me!***

Charlie's Quotables
-"We just WIN!"

-"People say it's lonely at the top but I sure like the view"

-"I have one speed I have one gear - GO!"

-"I'm Bi - winning! I'm winning over here and over there!"

-"I'm not interested in what people believe i'm interested in what I believe"

-"They can't process me because their normal and hey i'm NOT!"

-"Apologize when your wrong and move forward...duh!"



Picture of a thousand words

Let's get to it...

I woke up this morning to a picture that absolutely blew my mind - courtesy of YBF and my soror Eshena. Now I am a firm believer of freedom of speech et. al. However it's clear that a woman's privacy and right to choose has become the business and decisions of others that do not know her story nor circumstances. It has become somewhat of a fad to be able to control the decisions for many that which a woman has the legal right and option to do if she chooses. We all know that the House recently passed a bill to cease all Federal Funding to Planned Parenthood which is only a snapshot of the antics that go on behind the scenes, at the dinner table or in this case as you are driving on the road in the Soho district of New York. Obviously the creator of the billboard did it for many reasons - shock value, reality marketing, to get people to their website, to encourage people to talk about it or simply to piss people off! You place a suggestive ad referring to African American women in a predominantly white neighborhood for what purpose? We can only speculate on this one but I definitely have my opinion about it. Idiocratic perceptions such as these continue to target women - more specifically minority women. Some will be outraged others will say that the truth hurts whatever the case may be the speculations and attention to the issue is obviously becoming a strong force as the days go by. I can't say enough about this picture so I will just stop here - let me know your thoughts...

Misconceptions of a Mother - that happens to be Single

Let's get to it...

I had to go ahead and get this one out of my system since it hits so close to home for me. First of all I am a mother and have been for nearly six years. I had my son when I was in graduate school and yes I graduated on time with my class - though I hadn't planned for a child I had planned for graduation. I consider myself to be a highly intelligent person - I educate myself daily on something new and get excited about learning (geek in me). My crew was considered to be the "elite" whether at school, extracurricular activties, the arts or sports - we were the cream of the crop in all areas. We were what you would call "well rounded." I start out with this because i'm over the misconceptions, small talk, babble and misunderstanding that mothers that happen to be single are dumb, inferior or not good enough to be someones wife (especially if the dude thinks he has an image to uphold) which we shouldn't want to marry THAT dude anyway but only good enough to sleep with.
     It always amazes me when a dude thinks that he knows your story and judges you because you have a child like his slate is clean when he is probably out here doing the unthinkable with half of the women in the city - he simply slithers around when no one is looking. I mean let's be real if you had/having sex then it could easily be you that becomes the newest member of my play date group.

Point 1 - Myth:  Mothers that happen to be single keep all kind of dudes around their kids.
For the sake of keeping it all the way 100 - since my break up with my son's father five years ago I have been in a relationship only once. Yes - ONCE! Have I dated? Very little - maybe 4 dates in 5 years I know it's sounds bad - don't feel sorry for me. #dontjudgeme You have to take into consideration the mindset of a mother especially a new mother. My focus has and will always be on my son - the men will be there. From packing meals, cooking dinner, doing homework, reading a book every night, playing games, attending school functions, being a soccer mom and ensuring he is in church every Sunday I don't have time for much else. I have only had 1 man that I was in a relationship with around my son like that, any other males in his presence were family members (paternal/maternal), his coaches, co workers or the husbands of my girlfriends. I don't allow men around him just for the sake of "meeting the kid." Why? He's my number 1 responsibility and it's my job to protect him not only from the world but from being hurt by a dude that wants to take me out and it may not even go pass a dinner date.


Point 2 - Myth: Mothers that happen to be single are lonely, desperate, sleep around  - just plain whores!
Yes I took it there - I had to because it's far from the truth for me and many of the mothers that I know. Everybody is aware of the fact that if you want to sleep with someone it's not a hard thing to do in fact it's quite simple. The simplistic one track minded individual that thinks they can manipulate a woman simply because she is a mother that happens to be single is pathetic. Mothers that are single get lonely just like any other person that is single we are not in a box of our own when it comes to wanting the companionship that is found in a relationship. Despair is an action that can only be attached to certain women. I'm not chasing a man, I don't beg, if you say your busy I leave you alone. If a dude says he's not looking for a relationship and I am then I instantly keep it moving until he comes back around - they always do. I am the PRIZE! I am the chase-ee not the chase-r! I am a QUEEN and the man that recognizes my worth will do what needs to be done to search my heart, soul, spirit and never let go...he will become my King/Kang! (Tiny voice) As for sleeping around - nope don't do that either. See because I have peeped a few a dudes that actually think the above myth is true they think oh she just wants someone to "hit it" that's all...far from it my friend. Again I will say sleeping around is easy if this is all the woman wants to do. If I wanted to sleep with you sweetie I will - because it's easy...which make you easy and i'm sure a dude that thinks as such would be a more than willing participant. I have also witnessed that some guys do a lot of talking and then when it comes time to put up or shut up they only disappoint both you and themselves. I mean don't get me wrong I know i'm a MILF (google it if you don't know the meaning) heck I would try me if I was a dude. It's all good to think a mom is cute, hot, fine... a MILF but if your intentions aren't in the right place then that is as far as it should go - only a thought! I'm sure our moms/grandmothers/aunts were in the MILF category as well but the image of them being highly sexualixed was not what it is today. Many of them became mothers at a young age and wed young. But because I chose not to stay in a relationship that was not in the best interest of any of the parties involved, abort my child or pass the responsibility of raising my child on to someone else that makes me a freak?!?! Child please! Men who think the above myth is true should go play in traffic - immediately and if this is the only reason you are checking for that mother that happens to be single then what the heck does that say about YOU Mr. Man in the Mirror!

Point 3 - Myth: Mothers that happen to be single are dumb, uneducated and inferior because they have a child out of wedlock!
Aww one of my favorites the classic case of ignorance is always shown here. I grew up in the church and was there in the church 3-4 days a week either working, worshipping or with one of my family members. With that said you can imagine that when I had to break the news about being preggo I was a bit nervous but I also knew that I would be loved and supported regardless. I knew that no matter what happened my family would be there and have my back and they did. At no time should one think that because you got married and didn't have your child out of wedlock that you are better or smarter than the next - not even close. Many who have rushed into a marriage are already/approaching divorce, have far more stress than I do, they are unhappy and in the end the kids suffer. Let's be clear I don't smoke, do drugs, my living arrangements are niiiice, I can cook, nurse the sick and sow a button on your shirt just like my moms used to do for my dad. I am highly educated - bachelor's, master's and I am so close to my doctorate I can taste it but that aspect of education is only a piece to my puzzle. I've studied in other countries, own my own business, can hold down a household, nuture, love and care for all, I can be involved in my community, church, work a full time job, keep the finances in order, put a smile on the face of almost anyone I come in contact with all while being a mother to one of God's most amazing kids and I am so thankful that God chose me to be my son's mother. I am not inferior, I don't need to prove anything to anyone and only allow very few to get close to me. If I am giving you any of the little time that I do have that says a lot.

I could go on and on with the myths about the moms of the world. The moral of the story is that men should recognize the qualities and characteristics that mothers posses, love them pass their flaws, listen to their stories and by all means never judge them. That could be your mother, daughter, grandaughter or sisters same story and you would want them treated with the utmost respect. You can't change her past and she can't change yours but you can create a beautiful future together. Keep in mind that God introduced you to one another for a reason...you may fall in love with her- she could be your wife. *wink*

Habitual Line Steppers

Let's get to it...

Envelope pusher, tip toe(r) or my favorite the whimsical boundary eraser. Those that reside in these categories all have a reoccurring pattern - habitual line stepping! It always puzzles me when after single encounters and/or minimal interactions one can have the audacity to think it's OK to do or say certain things. Note the following (few) examples of many:

Exhibit A: We are all "Friends" - Actually we're NOT...

Ahh the classic case of blurred vision. Let me be the first to say to those that don't already know....just because you come in contact with someone one time or were introduced to someone casually or a person you met is a friend of a friend that does NOT make them your friend too. I've seen it happen a million times you know how it goes. Friend introduces one person to the other then the next thing you know a week later you are getting a Facebook request from a person that you don't even remember. Female trait - nah! This also rings true with dudes - once upon a time one of my guy friends met one of my home girls once in his life for less than 10 minutes next thing we know he has searched for her on my Facebook page and found her...You have a new friend request - DENIED! Side Note - trying to be sneaky is severe line stepping homie!

 

Exhibit B: I want to be one of the "cool kids"

The greatest form of flattery is imitation says the wise man but when it comes to talking, walking and acting like someone to make yourself feel included it is truly a bit corny. You know how you and your friends have inside jokes, non verbal ques and of course phrases that you utilize within your group and then one day an onlooker wants to be in the mix so they begin to mirror you only to do it in all the wrong ways. So much so that they begin to somewhat disgust you after constantly talking about irrelevant items, they reach way too far in every category and last but not least the overbearing divulging of too much information - so unsexy! The most amzing part of it all is that they manage to do this all while playing the dumb card the entire time. Coincidence - I think not.

Line steppers really seek to be understood in a world of their own. They strive to be in the circle, any circle and often become the laughter of the party instead of the life of the party. My advice - play it cool, know your role and in due time you may be invited in the circle. Until then, create your own circle and be fabulous while doing so! That is all...

They say the BEST Things come to those who wait...Fashionably on time!

It's finally here! I have started blogging far too many times and then fell off after a month or so. As I grow older I'm finding that I can no longer keep these gems "AKA" my thoughts contained. So, I welcome you to the world of Miss C. My thoughts, observations, WTH moments and of course some recklessness will be documented not only in my mind but on this canvas we call an Internet blog. The content of this blog is strictly my opinion - I try not to step on toes too often but if I do happen to stomp on yours, hopefully it doesn't sting too long. Read at your own risk folks. Thanks for rocking with me...

Let's get to it - 1st up... Habitual Line Steppers.