Let's get to it...
I had to go ahead and get this one out of my system since it hits so close to home for me. First of all I am a mother and have been for nearly six years. I had my son when I was in graduate school and yes I graduated on time with my class - though I hadn't planned for a child I had planned for graduation. I consider myself to be a highly intelligent person - I educate myself daily on something new and get excited about learning (geek in me). My crew was considered to be the "elite" whether at school, extracurricular activties, the arts or sports - we were the cream of the crop in all areas. We were what you would call "well rounded." I start out with this because i'm over the misconceptions, small talk, babble and misunderstanding that mothers that happen to be single are dumb, inferior or not good enough to be someones wife (especially if the dude thinks he has an image to uphold) which we shouldn't want to marry THAT dude anyway but only good enough to sleep with.
It always amazes me when a dude thinks that he knows your story and judges you because you have a child like his slate is clean when he is probably out here doing the unthinkable with half of the women in the city - he simply slithers around when no one is looking. I mean let's be real if you had/having sex then it could easily be you that becomes the newest member of my play date group.
Point 1 - Myth:
Mothers that happen to be single keep all kind of dudes around their kids.
For the sake of keeping it all the way 100 - since my break up with my son's father five years ago I have been in a relationship only once. Yes - ONCE! Have I dated? Very little - maybe 4 dates in 5 years I know it's sounds bad - don't feel sorry for me. #dontjudgeme You have to take into consideration the mindset of a mother especially a new mother. My focus has and will always be on my son - the men will be there. From packing meals, cooking dinner, doing homework, reading a book every night, playing games, attending school functions, being a soccer mom and ensuring he is in church every Sunday I don't have time for much else. I have only had 1 man that I was in a relationship with around my son like that, any other males in his presence were family members (paternal/maternal), his coaches, co workers or the husbands of my girlfriends. I don't allow men around him just for the sake of "meeting the kid." Why? He's my number 1 responsibility and it's my job to protect him not only from the world but from being hurt by a dude that wants to take me out and it may not even go pass a dinner date.
Point 2 - Myth:
Mothers that happen to be single are lonely, desperate, sleep around - just plain whores!
Yes I took it there - I had to because it's far from the truth for me and many of the mothers that I know. Everybody is aware of the fact that if you want to sleep with someone it's not a hard thing to do in fact it's quite simple. The simplistic one track minded individual that thinks they can manipulate a woman simply because she is a mother that happens to be single is pathetic. Mothers that are single get lonely just like any other person that is single we are not in a box of our own when it comes to wanting the companionship that is found in a relationship. Despair is an action that can only be attached to certain women. I'm not chasing a man, I don't beg, if you say your busy I leave you alone. If a dude says he's not looking for a relationship and I am then I instantly keep it moving until he comes back around - they always do. I am the PRIZE! I am the chase-ee not the chase-r! I am a QUEEN and the man that recognizes my worth will do what needs to be done to search my heart, soul, spirit and never let go...he will become my King/Kang! (Tiny voice) As for sleeping around - nope don't do that either. See because I have peeped a few a dudes that actually think the above myth is true they think oh she just wants someone to "hit it" that's all...far from it my friend. Again I will say sleeping around is easy if this is all the woman wants to do. If I wanted to sleep with you sweetie I will - because it's easy...which make you easy and i'm sure a dude that thinks as such would be a more than willing participant. I have also witnessed that some guys do a lot of talking and then when it comes time to put up or shut up they only disappoint both you and themselves. I mean don't get me wrong I know i'm a MILF (google it if you don't know the meaning) heck I would try me if I was a dude. It's all good to think a mom is cute, hot, fine... a MILF but if your intentions aren't in the right place then that is as far as it should go - only a thought! I'm sure our moms/grandmothers/aunts were in the MILF category as well but the image of them being highly sexualixed was not what it is today. Many of them became mothers at a young age and wed young. But because I chose not to stay in a relationship that was not in the best interest of any of the parties involved, abort my child or pass the responsibility of raising my child on to someone else that makes me a freak?!?! Child please! Men who think the above myth is true should go play in traffic - immediately and if this is the only reason you are checking for that mother that happens to be single then what the heck does that say about YOU Mr. Man in the Mirror!
Point 3 - Myth:
Mothers that happen to be single are dumb, uneducated and inferior because they have a child out of wedlock!
Aww one of my favorites the classic case of ignorance is always shown here. I grew up in the church and was there in the church 3-4 days a week either working, worshipping or with one of my family members. With that said you can imagine that when I had to break the news about being preggo I was a bit nervous but I also knew that I would be loved and supported regardless. I knew that no matter what happened my family would be there and have my back and they did. At no time should one think that because you got married and didn't have your child out of wedlock that you are better or smarter than the next - not even close. Many who have rushed into a marriage are already/approaching divorce, have far more stress than I do, they are unhappy and in the end the kids suffer. Let's be clear I don't smoke, do drugs, my living arrangements are niiiice, I can cook, nurse the sick and sow a button on your shirt just like my moms used to do for my dad. I am highly educated - bachelor's, master's and I am so close to my doctorate I can taste it but that aspect of education is only a piece to my puzzle. I've studied in other countries, own my own business, can hold down a household, nuture, love and care for all, I can be involved in my community, church, work a full time job, keep the finances in order, put a smile on the face of almost anyone I come in contact with all while being a mother to one of God's most amazing kids and I am so thankful that God chose me to be my son's mother. I am not inferior, I don't need to prove anything to anyone and only allow very few to get close to me. If I am giving you any of the little time that I do have that says a lot.
I could go on and on with the myths about the moms of the world. The moral of the story is that men should recognize the qualities and characteristics that mothers posses, love them pass their flaws, listen to their stories and by all means never judge them. That could be your mother, daughter, grandaughter or sisters same story and you would want them treated with the utmost respect. You can't change her past and she can't change yours but you can create a beautiful future together. Keep in mind that God introduced you to one another for a reason...you may fall in love with her- she could be your wife. *wink*
